As a person who runs, cycles and swims....alot....I have ample time to mull things over. One of the ongoing issues that I debate internally is motivation. Many people ask "what is your motivation for doing X"...or "wow, are you ever motivated". But what does that mean? What exactly is motivation? By definition: Motivation is the activation or energization of goal-oriented behavior. It can be either intrinsic or extrinsic....Well that's a good start, but what is it that motivates me?
Does the thought of a medal and a hat at the end of a race form to provide enough of a reward to call myself extrinsically motivated to complete all the training required to get that swag? Hardly! Do I train like a madman for a determined goal race because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside? No. Truth be told, I really only enjoy riding my bike and longer runs. I find that the smaller 3-8km runs boring and an annoying necessary evil. (it can take more time to prepare for the run that the run itself takes!) On longer runs 15km+ I kind of fall into a trance like state...I find it very relaxing. not to mention once you're done the endorphin rush is great!
Swimming,,,,well what is my motivation to swim? Clearly if you know me it is so that I can call myself a triathlete! Swimming is a ritual I do a few times a week just to keep the skill up and hopefully improve. If I were anywhere near serious about the sport I would have a coach and join a masters swim club. Otherwise what I do is equal to (to steal a quote I heard the other day and think it's very appropriate....) rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic! I am not very graceful in the water, nor am I very confident. My motivation is to get me through a certain distance....not fast, not technically perfect, just alive!
Riding my bike that's a different thing all together. It's a means to an end, it's cheap clean transportation. The fact that it's good exercise is just a nice bonus.
I have come to realize that much of my exercise is motivated by an inner drive to be accepted or validated. I think that when I was a golf professional people really like to talk to me because, well I was a golf professional. I was very good at something that is perceived as "cool" in some circles. When I decided to leave that life, I needed something to replace that. I have really noticed that in social settings when meeting new people (which I enjoy!) when asked what you do for a living the reply Education Assistant and Golf Professional elicit very different responses! Now a days the conversations I have with new acquaintances and old friends take on a different form. Of course with those who have known me for quite sometime, the conversation is all about training and racing....were as it used to revolve around golf. At times I will meet up with old friends who are still perceiving me as a golf professional and, of course after they stop marveling about how different I look they will want to talk golf with me. They are amazed to find that I may only play a few times a year and no longer play tournaments. They ask me what is wrong and how could that have happened. My short answer is "I have other interests now!" That is usually enough to get them to move onto talking about the weather. Luckily, I am a skilled enough conversationalist that I can switch the flow of banter around to their situation and take the spot light off myself. I do have an inner need to be liked by those around me and those new to me. I think that by replacing one interresting fact about myself (golf professional) with another interesting fact (endurance athlete) I am able to in some way validate myself as a worthy and interesting person to know.
Career motivation....wow, do I struggle with this one! In true Gemini form I have no clue what I want to do! Even as a golf professional in my 14 years in the business I worked at 7 different facilities all by choice. It's true I need variety to keep me stimulated. If it's too mundane I start to look around. These days once I think I have my career path figured out, wait for ten minutes because it will change! I'm just a big kid trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. God bless my wife....she has the patience of a saint!
Big picture....I am a very happy and positive person 99.9% of the time. But, at times I will really struggle with that big old existential question. I worry that I am not doing what I am "suppose" to be doing in life. I think that stems from a financial point of view. I am a very luck person in that I have an immensely supportive spouse. There is no pressure on me to get out and find a better pay check or to climb the corporate ladder so to speak. We live a very comfortable upper middle class lifestyle. We have everything we need/want but still I look at some of my peers and see what they have achieved and that really gets me thinking what is wrong with me....I don't have a great career. The past 2 years I have had a very difficult time deciding what path to take next. At times I can truly say I pine over it. When I fall into the doldrums...my rational is that maybe my in life mission is to be a good role model for all those I touch. It's very important to be a committed husband, it's very important to be there for your child - at all times, it's very important to listen to those who need to talk, it's very important to do the small things that pave the way for others to do the bigger things.
Leading by example is such a cliche, but I think that it pretty much sums up what I'm all about these days. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that this is not a good way to get rich. Who wants to be rich anyway, you have to pay way more taxes!
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